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Dementia Drama-really bad

May 25th, 2015 at 07:18 pm

Hi all

Dad reported me to 911 for theft today. I took his car this week on the Dr and facilities recommendation. Reason for the recommendation is his confusion, weakness, inability to do 2 things at one time (look at street signs and drive) , confessed almost rear ending several people the last time he was out, likely potential for him getting lost and the last time he as out (right before the car was removed) he got lost for 4 hours and had to rely on a good Samaritan to drive him and the car back and they had to stop at a few different assisted living places until they found the right one.

What if he had hit someone? What if the good samaritan was not so good?

Anyway I talked to the police who were fine w it but they recommended I re-explain it to Dad tomorrow night which I will do,

Meanwhile Dad's girlfriend (in Wisconsin) sent me the the following email:

Your Dad just called to tell me you stole his car. He said he noticed it was missing about 0900 this morning and reported it to the front desk who said 'your daughter has it'. He did say the police were there and you would be coming by tomorrow around 4. He plans to steal his car back from you and take the keys 'violently'. Take (boyfriend) with you. He said he just doesn't understand why his car should be taken away just because he got lost. I said Sunrise and Dr. XXXX recommended you not drive for the time being. He said I should be 'on his side' and he needs to drive to work. He said he was packed up and ready to drive home. Finally he became exasperated with me and told me he was going to hang up.

So very difficult .. one day at a time.

Dad is being further evaluated this week. And I plan to continue to hang on to his car.

9 Responses to “Dementia Drama-really bad”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    So sorry. You ARE doing the right thing. Hang in there.

  2. AnotherReader Says:

    You are absolutely doing the best thing for him, for the family and for every other driver and pedestrian on the road. You will be the villain to him for awhile, but that will pass.

  3. snafu Says:

    It's so incredibly difficult to cope with a parent with dementia. I hope your dad will do much better when he gets used to the routine at his new home. Is it better to acknowledge how unhappy he is with the car or whatever the problem of the moment and divert his attention to something positive like how much the nurse or front desk clerk likes him, how nice he looks, how much GF misses him, etc?

  4. latestart Says:

    Hugs, I was always very grateful that my mom never tried to drive once her dementia started.

  5. bluesfemme Says:

    Aw hon, not a nice place to be. Same thing with my grandfather, who had been in charge of everything and fought for the keys even after the state took away his licence. Part of the condition is not realising their failing facilities at some times and at other times being depressed when they do have an inkling. He ended up on prozac and it did eventually help remove the anger. My aunt and i had to deal with it all and you sometimes feel like a monster, betraying their trust, in an effort to keep them safe, but immured, even within a great facility. I send you thoughts of patience, to deal with the inevitable frustration.

  6. CB in the City Says:

    I am so sorry he is reacting this way. You are acting in his best interest (and his brain isn't right now!) so you'll just have to let it roll off you somehow. Pats on the back for a job well done.

  7. DeniseNTexas Says:

    I'm so sorry. I went down a similar path with my stepdad a few years ago. You're definitely doing the right thing and while that may not help you much now just know that deep down you really are. I'll send out much good mojo for you.

  8. VS_ozgirl Says:

    You're doing a great job and I'm sure if he were 20 years younger and had a clear state of mind he'd agree with your choices. Hang in there, it's all for the best.

  9. scfr Says:

    I'm so sorry. Please hang in there and know that if he were in his right mind he would understand.

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