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Some challenges with 3 units and Dad

March 9th, 2015 at 01:09 pm

HI all,

Just diarying.

3 things.

1. person who was making payments at the 3 units is no longer doing so and has said that. We are filing today on her and are also going to the sheriffs office today to toss that guy who we already won on in court. The brother of that guy is getting 'unreliable too' so may need to toss him. All hard challenging COSTLY news but better to get these guys out NOW.. than later. Also sent out 2 lease renewals at $630.. Really need to clear this up fast and restore income to me.. tough!
2. Dad.. VERY BAD SITUATION. Dad has dementia and some times thinks things that are not the case (thinks he is still in the airforce, thinks he is in trouble may go to jail etc). His long time girlfriend lives with him but is moving out (soon.. weeks/days). She is hiding his keys but every day gets very frustrated with the situation and wants out now. She and Dad were out here Saturday. I found a good assisted living place for Dad right near the house. He does not believe he needs help and in short I am not sure if he is going to sign a lease. I have a room on hold until the 18th. Talked to an attorney and he says my power of attorneys are not worth much and in this situation I need GUARDIANSHIP and since it is out of state it will be a 2 step process (get it in Wisconsin first and then transfer to Illinois). Anyway costly.. lengthy . just bad. Girlfriend is having a hard time living w Dad as he for the past week has been panicked about jail and trying to leave/drive the car (she hid his keys). Anyway. situation is really to explode and just very hard. I expect to learn more from an attorney today and will continue to ask Dad/encourage him to sign the lease at this assisted lviing/memory h elp place near me. Fingers crossed.
3. Kevin my brother called and on a high note wnts to pay me $300/month to use my address to send bills too etc. he is a truck driver and will find that easier etc.. Hopefully that works out.

Work is still ok. BUSY.. 50+ hours a week. and traveling to Nashville again Wed-Thursday

Had a vacation set up for 6 days to Pheonix at the end of this month. likely cancelling to deal with the Dad situation

Onward and hoping for some GOOD NEWS!!

4 Responses to “Some challenges with 3 units and Dad”

  1. michdado Says:

    Best of luck with your father

  2. Another Reader Says:

    I have been through a similar situation. You will need to walk a tightrope on this.

    First, if the dementia has progressed as you describe, your father cannot live in an assisted living room or apartment. He will have to live in the locked Alzheimer's unit. That's not a fun place to be, but the facility will test him or have him tested to determine where he belongs. If he refuses to sign, you are going to have to get a conservatorship or something similar to that in the state of his residence. Otherwise, you cannot force him to move.

    Second, that car has to go immediately. You need to get the DMV to revoke his license and then the car should be removed from the property. Merely hiding the keys will not suffice. People in his condition will find the keys and take the car. He could kill himself or he could kill or injure others driving in that condition.

    Third, you need to get control of his finances if you will be the conservator. Power of attorney only allows you to act, it does not exclude him from acting. All of his records, statements, checkbooks, and valuables should be retrieved and locked up. Everything should be inventoried, as the courts will likely require an accounting. If he has a revocable trust, all assets except IRA's should be in the trust. The IRA's should be checked to make sure the proper beneficiaries are designated.

    Fourth, you need to figure out how the assisted living facility will be paid. His assets will have to be used to pay the bill. His house may have to be sold. If he runs out of money, he will have to go on Medicaid. Get good advice on how to liquidate before you need the money.

    All this should be worked out among you and your siblings now, not after the fact. It's lots of work with very little reward, but doing it properly will save you a huge amount of time, attorney fees, and probate fees. Planning this out now will also insure all the siblings are aware of and agree to what is being done. More family harmony in the long run.

  3. JulieAlbright Says:

    I went through something similar with a relative and I was able to get her admitted for a couple of weeks to a psychiatric unit at a hospital that had one floor dedicated to geriatric patients. I went into it thinking that I really needed the time just to find her somewhere safe to live and that would be the biggest benefit, but it did give the hospital staff a good opportunity to evaluate her condition and stabilize her medications. They were able to release her from the hospital over to the Assisted Living Center.

    I don't know if that's an option for you but I thought I'd mention it.

  4. CB in the City Says:

    Oh, I'm so sorry about your dad. I was pretty lucky with my parents, if you want to call it lucky! My dad died too young to get dementia, and my mother was happily living in a retirement home when her mind started to wander, and she had excellent care. I realize that many people have much more stress and pain with the decline of their parents' health. One day at a time! And always remember that he didn't choose this, and never would have!

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