I had hinted at relationship issues before but never really talked about it... because I was upset and embarrassed and STRESSED OUT OF MY MIND. I figured I would share the news as I know some others have shared similar stories. My boyfriend of 3 years moved out Tuesday. He moved in last year.. so approx a year later he moved out. I never really felt good with him moving in as I was never really clear where this was going and I do not like the idea of 'living with someone' unless you are married or about to be and we never felt like a 'we'. . Anyway I have been unhappy for some time and stressed, criticized, and frustrated and feeling STALLED and like I was shrinking. I asked him to move out short term a month ago for a 'break' after an 'incident where he shoved me in an aggressive manner, threatened me, called me very bad names, actually SCREAMED them in my face (totally out of control) and was aggressive and VERY SCARY'. I was literally shaking. He said he 'paid money so had just as much right to the house as I did' and sortof blamed that incident on me.. did not say he was sorry and would seek help or anything like that...classic abusive sortof excuse.. anyway I was too stressed to just force it so let it go. There were other issues.. no communication, constant criticisms, I was like the butt of every joke.. in front of others too, he got home every day and watched TV for the rest of the night (NOT making this up).. was derogatory about my '5 year goal'.. did not believe I could do it. cheap...I have 3 cats (they do not pee on the carpet) and he puts his shoes on in the living room so the carpet was getting dirty. He never wore shoes in his own apartment by the way due to concerns it would dirty the carpet. I wanted to clean the carpet mainly due to that...so I asked him to pay 1/2 he was like 'well there are 5 of us here..'(meaning the cats). I iwll pay 1/5 and you pay 4/5'..I just did it myself.. sstuff like that.. very renter like in his actions and attitudes, he felt since I get the 'equity in the house' he should pay less. sortof I was responsible for everything and he sat around and watched TV and woudl do something when he felt like it. no interest in planning anything. no future talks, easy to let him anger escalate to scary, says 'he lives day by day and likes that'. I could go on and on. But never had that 'we/team' feeling or like we were in a close relationship that I could count on him or trust him or 'rely on him'. I am really PROUD of my 5 year goal and am focusing on it quite a bit. he was derogatory towards it and negative and critical.
So I attempted to talk to him last Saturday and he responded with nothing (no words.. really.. can not make this up) so I asked him what he was doing for htat day. You should not have to ask the person you are supposedly in a relationship with what they are doing for the weekend. Anyway I did ask. and he said 'he was looking for an apartment'.. so he did, signed a lease and moved out Tuesday.
There were obviously signs the relationship was not good from before. I let it go. I am now moving forward, rebuilding MYSELF and my self esteem again and determined not let my self esteem etc get so low or tied up in someone else or 'stall' my life and interests.
Financially as this is a financial forum. he used to pay $1700 a month.. this helped save more money last year.. I have lost that but it just means I save less.. I am not in trouble or anything. did not depend on that income.
I also tossed my guest room furniture and basement sofa set when he moved in. I need to replace
I have already done so.. Pottery Barn has a 25% off sales so I am getting some from there and some other items from Target etc .. trying to put together a cohesive look. I understand Pottery Barn is expensive but with the 25% off I am actually in line with what I would pay getting lower grade furniture at Value City
This also means I will mow my own lawn and need to have someone fix stuff (if stuff comes up). Of course, after he moved in. it seemed he helped LESS around the house..
So how am I doing.. struggling still. feel alone. sad. angry. bad .. upset.. down. I gained weight the last 6 months likely due to stress. and was not working out anymore. so gradually going back to who I was and wondering why I did not do it sooner.
Thanks for listening
This month appears it may be such a record month w the homes I can not believe it myself so will wait to share when rents come in (they are sent the 15th) to report
I have %500 left to fund the 401k
I am doing a SPECT scan (brain scan) in Georgia Tuesday_Wednesday at the Amen clinics (to evaluate my brain in general and for alzheimers. I set this up as a precaution and because I have an interest in medical stuff and want to live LONG and be healthy). I am driving out and love road trips. I am trying to meet a friend Wednesday who I have not seem for a while. I was very involved w the National Stuttering Association years ago and their convention this year is in Atlanta. I miss being involved in things like this. I used to give the job search workshop at the convention. I stutter by the way. This brain scan was set up last Friday before the announcement of him moving out.
I continue to save $ but my investments have not grown at all. they go up and down.. disappointing
Somehow who runs a financial blog wants to feature me> I expect it to come out this month. will send a link
ONWARD to a better, brighter and MORE FUN future.
Bad news on personal side